BADASSERY
Empowerment Coaching for Women of a Certain Age
Let’s define our terms. When I use the term Badass, I mean:
Badasses define their lives on their terms. They are not mean, angry, or uncaring about others; they are simply unwilling to make other people’s opinions about their own choices more important than their own opinions. They own their own power. They allow (even expect) other people to also use their own internal sense to direct their own lives. They have room for true compassion for others because they are taking care of their own needs. Their lives are full of humor, pleasure, and contentment.
Badasses define their lives on their terms. They are not mean, angry, or uncaring about others; they are simply unwilling to make other people’s opinions about their own choices more important than their own opinions. They own their own power. They allow (even expect) other people to also use their own internal sense to direct their own lives. They have room for true compassion for others because they are taking care of their own needs. Their lives are full of humor, pleasure, and contentment.
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I coach women of a certain age who used to like sex, but now it's just another f-ing thing on their to-do list.
Do you feel like a pallid, tamped down version of yourself? Do you miss the fire and enthusiasm you used to have? Are you disappointed with your day-to-day reality? Are you afraid you will never again be completely turned on? Did you used to love sex but now it’s just another f-ing thing on your looong to-do list? Are you concerned that your partner is increasingly frustrated by your lack of desire? I can help you discover how to:
I will coach you and support you while you figure out what you most want in life and how to get it. I use a combination of traditional talk coaching and embodied practices (breathing, shaking, moving, self-pleasure practices, visualization, self-massage) that will allow you to quickly zero in on what you desire as well as work through resistance and roadblocks faster than you can imagine. I will give you home play exercises designed specifically for you to allow you to reach your goals and to make permanent positive changes in your life. I offer a complimentary Get Acquainted Meeting (actually, I insist on it; I don't want to waste your time or mine) so we can determine together if there is a fit between what I do and what you need. Hit the button below to schedule one. 
I offer a 10-session engagement that will:
I hold coaching sessions on Zoom, which allows me to serve you even if you aren't located near me and is social-distancing friendly. I accept payment on Paypal or by check (old fashioned, I know). I offer a complimentary Get Acquainted Meeting (actually, I insist on it; I don't want to waste your time or mine) so we can determine together if there is a fit between what I do and what you need. Hit the button below to schedule one.
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What Clients are SayingJoy was incredible to work with. She taught me things I didn't even know about my own body! I learned how to be a queen and believe in myself again. She went so much deeper than just physical and marital issues. Joy would assign "homework" for me to do between sessions. Affirmations, hard discussions, deep inner work that I had to do to start on a road of recovery, for myself and marriage. It was an eye opening, soul moving experience. She worked with me for quite some time. She saw me, she listened to me, it was one of the best self care moves I've ever done. Joy will always be someone I will admire and respect for the gift she gave me through this therapy. I encourage everyone to try at least one session and experience the change that can happen! Thank you, Joy, for three great coaching sessions! Amazingly, after just our first hour, Joy had skillfully led me to a clearly identified goal. Until that first session, I had sensed that a part of me was missing without ever fully taking the time to dig deeper, name it, acknowledge it, and direct my days to find it again. By guiding me and stating my goal explicitly, she hit the nail exactly on the head! I was thrilled! I practically screamed, “YES! That’s it, Joy! Exactly!” In a short time I learned so much to truly benefit my life. To be coached in a positive way was real encouragement to me. I recommend it! Thank you! It was a pleasure having this VITA coaching experience with you. I had noticed my desire and enjoyment for sex decreasing since experiencing Menopause. I felt out of sync with my partner, who I assumed still wanted sex more than he was getting it. I struggled with my own confidence issues relating to body image, lack of energy, and lack of time. You helped me set a goal, and provided exercises and tools to help me identify where I was blocked. Through self massage, breathing exercises, and movement, I was able to regain my strength and ability to appreciate and care for myself, and my body. My communication and intimacy with my partner has improved. Thank you for being an intuitive coach and listener. |
Why I Do this Work
I was happy, sorta. I still adored my husband whom I married in 1981 (amazing!). I built a business coaching company that I loved. I had close relationships with family and friends.
But for years I had this nagging sense that I was living in a box that was too small for me, that almost all of the juice had been squeezed out of my life, that I had lost my fire somewhere. I was at least a little anxious most of the time. And the thought of sex made me tired.
My greatest fear growing up was that authority figures (teachers and parents, mainly) would decide that I was somehow deficient. I was convinced that if I were judged lacking then those authority figures might still take care of me but they would no longer really respect me; that I would become an unpleasant obligation rather than a person they valued. The thought of that happening was crushing to me. Those fears were clustered around issues of accomplishment and gravitas. I thought I needed to be a person of importance and also toe some sort of line with appropriate (according to Mom) social behavior.
I allowed that fearfulness to direct my choices for years. My fear was running the show. I made choices that I believed would impress others with my worth as a human. I was more interested in how I imagined other people would feel about my choices that how I felt about them. I was plagued with procrastination for years because I was afraid that my work product would not be good enough to convince others I was worthy.
I lived by a fearful adherence to 'the rules' I picked up from parents and others about what constituted worth. These rules were supposed to keep me safe from being judged as broken by others. Except that they didn't do that. People (maddeningly) think what they want to think. Different people find different things objectionable. I had a low level of anxiety all of the time and it was exhausting and demoralizing. It squeezed the life out of my life. I'd rather just not do something than do it wrong or, God forbid, need to ask for help.
Without realizing it, I had given away my sense of self to serve this fear. As I began to know that I needed and deserved more, I addressed my fear driven habits in several ways. I went to therapy. I studied codependency. I learned several healing modalities that addressed emotional issues. Each of these things helped and I am grateful for them all.
In 2019, I learned a new way of approaching my fears that has revolutionized my life. I learned about embodied healing. Embodied healing is a practice that includes our bodies in our healing (just like it says). Much of our hurts, fears, and stress patterns are locked in our bodies - not our minds. That's why talking about what is in our minds has a limited effect on old hurts and patterns we've had for a while. The old wounds we suffered as kids and the patterns we then learned to cope with them often cannot be accessed via talk. They can be located, explored, understood and integrated via our bodies. Who knew that paying attention to and honoring the sensations in my body was the key to unlocking myself from being controlled by my fears?
I spent that whole year learning how to be a VITA (TM) Coach from the VITA Institute of Integrated Sexuality. The approach and practices I learned there have freed me from being a captive to my fears. I am happier than I have ever been and my life is getting better and better. I still have fears - I am a human being. They are no longer running my life. When I am anxious, I know how to process that feeling and how to make choices from other parts of me than the fear. It is exceedingly freeing. My husband agrees that I am a vastly different person, much more relaxed and with a better sense of humor about stressful situations.
I want to share what I learned with women of a certain age who feel trapped into pallid existences by 'inescapable' obligations, people pleasing, long lists of should-dos, anxious tiny lives. These practices are simple things like: breathing exercises, shaking your body, expressing your feelings with your voice, self-massage and self-pleasure. These methods are based on the latest brain research as well as thousands of years of Tantric practice. They have been powerfully effective for me and for my clients.
What fears prevent you from living the way you want to live? What do you feel obliged to do to maintain the respect of others? What are the 'shoulds' that are sucking all the enjoyment out of your life??
Would you like to be able to free yourself from being controlled by those fears? I'd love to partner with you in a coaching relationship to support you while you learn to address your fears in a completely new way. Schedule your free Get Acquainted Meeting by clicking the button below.
But for years I had this nagging sense that I was living in a box that was too small for me, that almost all of the juice had been squeezed out of my life, that I had lost my fire somewhere. I was at least a little anxious most of the time. And the thought of sex made me tired.
My greatest fear growing up was that authority figures (teachers and parents, mainly) would decide that I was somehow deficient. I was convinced that if I were judged lacking then those authority figures might still take care of me but they would no longer really respect me; that I would become an unpleasant obligation rather than a person they valued. The thought of that happening was crushing to me. Those fears were clustered around issues of accomplishment and gravitas. I thought I needed to be a person of importance and also toe some sort of line with appropriate (according to Mom) social behavior.
I allowed that fearfulness to direct my choices for years. My fear was running the show. I made choices that I believed would impress others with my worth as a human. I was more interested in how I imagined other people would feel about my choices that how I felt about them. I was plagued with procrastination for years because I was afraid that my work product would not be good enough to convince others I was worthy.
I lived by a fearful adherence to 'the rules' I picked up from parents and others about what constituted worth. These rules were supposed to keep me safe from being judged as broken by others. Except that they didn't do that. People (maddeningly) think what they want to think. Different people find different things objectionable. I had a low level of anxiety all of the time and it was exhausting and demoralizing. It squeezed the life out of my life. I'd rather just not do something than do it wrong or, God forbid, need to ask for help.
Without realizing it, I had given away my sense of self to serve this fear. As I began to know that I needed and deserved more, I addressed my fear driven habits in several ways. I went to therapy. I studied codependency. I learned several healing modalities that addressed emotional issues. Each of these things helped and I am grateful for them all.
In 2019, I learned a new way of approaching my fears that has revolutionized my life. I learned about embodied healing. Embodied healing is a practice that includes our bodies in our healing (just like it says). Much of our hurts, fears, and stress patterns are locked in our bodies - not our minds. That's why talking about what is in our minds has a limited effect on old hurts and patterns we've had for a while. The old wounds we suffered as kids and the patterns we then learned to cope with them often cannot be accessed via talk. They can be located, explored, understood and integrated via our bodies. Who knew that paying attention to and honoring the sensations in my body was the key to unlocking myself from being controlled by my fears?
I spent that whole year learning how to be a VITA (TM) Coach from the VITA Institute of Integrated Sexuality. The approach and practices I learned there have freed me from being a captive to my fears. I am happier than I have ever been and my life is getting better and better. I still have fears - I am a human being. They are no longer running my life. When I am anxious, I know how to process that feeling and how to make choices from other parts of me than the fear. It is exceedingly freeing. My husband agrees that I am a vastly different person, much more relaxed and with a better sense of humor about stressful situations.
I want to share what I learned with women of a certain age who feel trapped into pallid existences by 'inescapable' obligations, people pleasing, long lists of should-dos, anxious tiny lives. These practices are simple things like: breathing exercises, shaking your body, expressing your feelings with your voice, self-massage and self-pleasure. These methods are based on the latest brain research as well as thousands of years of Tantric practice. They have been powerfully effective for me and for my clients.
What fears prevent you from living the way you want to live? What do you feel obliged to do to maintain the respect of others? What are the 'shoulds' that are sucking all the enjoyment out of your life??
Would you like to be able to free yourself from being controlled by those fears? I'd love to partner with you in a coaching relationship to support you while you learn to address your fears in a completely new way. Schedule your free Get Acquainted Meeting by clicking the button below.